I am still in shock and I apologize for the choppiness of this post.
This afternoon I got into a taxi and headed down to SWS to meet my birth mom. I didn’t even sit down before I started to cry. I couldn’t believe that this moment had finally come.
I stared at the clock as I sat in the small room. My eyes bouncing from photo to photo, taking in the mini flags, books, and other small trinkets around the room. My legs bounced and my entire body vibrated from nerves and excitement. As the door opened and he stuck his head in a million thoughts ran through my head.
I wondered if she looked like me. What her first reaction would be. What my first reaction would be. As the door opened fully and I saw her for the first time I immediately burst into tears. We stood and stared at each for a moment in disbelief before she grabbed me in a tight hug. We stood there crying and hugging each other as she whispered that she was sorry.
She told me that I was everything she imagined I would be and immediately the similarities between us became obvious, not only in looks but in personality and interests as well.
She cried as I showed her photos from my life, from being in foster care to current photos. Laughing at stories I told and adding a few questions and comments to them.
In Korea it is custom for mothers to make a seaweed soup for their children’s birthday. Since mine had just passed she made that, rice and beans, and japchae, a noodle dish. The social worker who had been translating for us left us to our meal and we turned towards Papago, a translation app. We spoke more about our interests and she told me that I was great at using chopsticks.
I had heard from other adoptees that conversation is possible without a translator and I had my doubts. But after spending almost 6 hours with her, most of it using the apps, I was surprised at how well they worked. There were times we had to abandon what we were trying to say, but for the most part we were able to keep conversations up.
I learned that she also likes horror movies and The Walking Dead. That she prefers meat over fish and shares my irrational fear of fish. We have the same laugh, hair, and eyebrows, and look more alike than I ever thought possible. I learned that I have an aunt, uncle, and grandma. That my half sister also loves photography and initially went to college for it and worked in a studio. Eventually we had to leave the agency, but neither of us were ready to say goodbye yet, and we made our way to a coffee shop.
Where I learned that we also both love cafe mochas. We talked more about what my life has been like and agreed that it was like a dream that I was in South Korea. We talked about Jeju, Jeonju, and where she lives. She told me multiple times that she was sorry but so happy that I was here in Korea.
I reassured her that I understood why she did what she did and that I was just so happy that she wanted to meet me. We exchanged emails and will be meeting up again later this week.
It is still unreal to me that I actually met her and I don’t think that it has fully sunk in yet. While my sister and rest of the family does not know about me yet, it is my hope that one day I will meet all of them as well. For now, it feels as though I have finally found the piece of me that was missing.
